The New Scoop

After much deliberation between oncologists both here and at Moffitt Cancer Center it has been decided to do 25 radiation treatments on my left chest wall where my cancer originated. The side effects are minimal from what I am told and I should start to gain strength each day. This is good news because I feel like a Mac truck has run over me, then backed up and ran over me again. I'm a little scared of radiation and all the long term effects it will leave on my body, as I see what chemotherapy has done. OK, I'm more than a little scared, I'm a lot scared but I must imagine myself holding my Heavenly Father's hand like a little girl holds onto her daddy's hand when she's scared. The machine is so daunting and the "what if's" crawl into your brain.

At this point I don't really have many options. This too is something I struggle with. How much are the doctor's playing God? How much medicine is too much? For someone in my position, I think this is something we ask ourselves. At least I do. It's so hard making these life altering decisions on what treatments to do and only I can make the final decisions. Only I know how much is enough. Not that I'm quitting any time soon. It's just too much to think about most of the time. Do you understand even a little bit? I'm tired and think that's the biggest issue I'm facing right now. I think I may be a little depressed or down too. I just wish I felt up to doing everything I write down on my "to do" lists each evening for the next day. Writing this blog for example is something I've been wanting to do, but I just couldn't get my heart into it. I'm in a funk! Okay!

We had a wonderful time on vacation in Helen, Georgia. We stayed at a friend's cabin, went tubing twice down the Chatahoochee River (yes, I went tubing!), climbed/walked uphill 0.4 miles to Anna Ruby Falls, went swimming in a gorgeous lake, walked downtown almost every evening, saw a youth mission's group perform, talked, laughed, ate, and slept like a log. Pablo, of course, went fishing and perfected his fly fishing skills. He caught several trout and let them go on their merry way. I had wanted to visit some friends but was just way too exhausted. That's a lot of action for someone who just finished chemo but it was a blast! I know Emma will never forget it nor will I. Hopefully we'll go again soon but not too soon- 10 hours in the car is a bit much to do right away. (Thanks Helen for our time in Helen.)

So back to treatments, I do my 25 radiation treatments and then I'll begin hormone therapy. The doctors will know in about 3 to 6 mo. if this is working or not. I'll be having my ovaries removed sometime in between too and as far as reconstruction is concerned, who knows? I think that has moved to dead last on my list of priorities. Who cares if I have one fake boob and one flat chest! I'll get around to it but I think the doctors are concentrating on my cancer right now… me, too.

Okay friends so are you caught up? Have I forgotten anything? If you have questions, write me. Even if you don't have questions, write me and let me know how you are doing. I will be glowing green and getting Emma ready for school and don't forget her 9^th birthday, August 12^th. For those who promised to send music for me to put on her mp3 mail it soon!

I love you guys!