Saturday, April 24, 2010
Yes, it has been a long time. I decided at 1:52 AM after sleeping most of the day from 4 PM until now that maybe I should update everyone on how things are going. I'm through with my first round of chemo and on Monday I start round two. I cannot say I’m feeling very positive about it.
Overall I’m not feeling positive. I’m tired, fatigued, exhausted, limp, sleepy, worn-out, beat, drained, bushed, and weary. That’s all the synonyms I can think of. I’m also depressed, unhappy, glum, down in the dumps, sad, and well I give up on more synonyms. I don’t really have a reason, I just feel blue.
I promised to keep this blog positive but I also have to be truthful- I feel very alone. Facebook, blogging, e-mails, calls, and cards are great but sometimes you just NEED face to face fellowship with good friends. That’s where I’m at. If I hadn’t slept the afternoon away, I could have gone to Bible study but alas Sleeping Beauty was asleep. RATS!
Relay for Life is next weekend and I’m worried sick I won’t feel well. They are also predicting rain… pray it doesn’t rain! I need to have fun. Pray also that I will feel well.
Would it be crazy of me to go to Chile in July when my 2nd round of treatments are over? I have a month or a month and a half before I start with radiation. Should I go somewhere here in the states for a mini break? Any ideas? Anyone? Cheap is the word? Maybe a cruise? That’s cheap, right? LOL.
I blew up at my mom today and my husband every other day before that. Please pray for my emotions as I am crazed and plagued by many. Why do we always take things out on those we love the most? Why can I be such an idiot? Both very good questions?
Well I have left you with many questions to help me answer, so leave your comments. Of course, I expect them to be positive, seeing I’m lacking at this moment.
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Generous Sponsors of My Relay 4 Life Team: Butterflies of Hope! Thanks 4 the $250 in printing!
6 comments:
It is normal to take things out on those closest to us, mostly because they are always right there for us.
I wish I could say I understand how you are feeling, but I honestly don't. I don't like it when someone tells me I know how you feel. How can someone unless they have been through the same thing?!?!
I can say that I am here for you. If you need anything or need a break to get away, let me know and I'll take you to the park or wherever you will feel happy!
About taking a break and getting away. I think that would be great and no, not crazy at all.
Wishing you all the best,
Dee
Stopping by to share that I am thinking of you here in Chile. I can only imagine the incredible toll these medications and changes are taking on mind, soul and body. Know that you are loved by many!
Well, My Dear, I do think that it would help you to have women to talk to that have been where you've been and can help to lift you up when you are feeling like this. We need to hook you up. I am praying that you feel great on Saturday and that you have a wonderful time. If you can stay awake and can get out of the house then come and sit in the big, black, comfy chair in my classroom. That will give you tons of face time with all of us in the room that love you. Georg
Adrienne, so sorry you aren't feeling well. If you ever wanna hang out, just let me know!! I'm not sure what all you like doing-but I can learn. :-),..that is if you want 3 crazy kids around too. I'll be praying for you for sure. Hang in there-you are amazing!
Adrienne - my doc told me that my emotions would go crazy and go high and low and every one of them would be ok to go through many times over. What we endure with chemo is amazing in that we survive what it does to our bodies. I DO know how you feel when you say you feel alone, and I get it. There can be 100 people around and yet you can still feel very alone. This is the path chosen for us to walk.
Know that you are not alone, not really. Even though it can feel that way and can be a scary and quiet place that we visit. The deal is, visit it and come back. For me, I was in that dark place, uncertain of everything. But I came back, and so will you.
Know you are loved, and know you are prayed for. I pray more for you than I do myself and I hope the darkness leads to light. I have not done so yet, but maybe finding survivors like us, maybe through ACS, and reaching out to them may be helpful.
God bless you.... Arla
Your blog doesn't like me .... I "tried" to put something down here two days ago with loads of encouragement ... and now don't see it .... (and we all know as an IBMer ... I know what I'm doing on any keyboard -- ha!) ..... ok, here's what you need .... a trip to the great Northeast! Yup, that's right .... spend you hard earned $$ on a cheap flight (Jet Blue) and bring your little Sissy (Rach) with ya ... and stay as long as you like ... we have a nice (cool) pool ... can take day-trips all over New England & New York (NYC yeah!) .... and you stay for free (our chance to give back for the wonderful stay at your home back in Nov '09!) So ... what do you say? July would be perfect for us, too! We sure love you, and want only the best for you .... OH, and the kids say, "BRING ANNA, TOO!" Love the CT McClendon's
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